英文段子
If I should see you，after long year.如果我们再相见，事隔经年。How should I greet, with tears, with silence.我将以何贺你，以眼泪，以沉默。
after friends of mine landed at busy newwark airport, they were unable to attract the attention of any porters to help with their luggage. in desperation, the husband took out a five-dollar bill and waved it above the crowd.我的朋友们在繁忙的纽瓦克机场着陆后，他们却不能招呼到脚夫来帮他们搬行李。无奈..
if you refuse to marry me, he swore, i shall die.如果你不答应嫁给我，他发誓，我就要去死。she refused him.她拒绝了他。sixty years later, he died.六十年后，他死了。
"did you sell any of your paintings at the art show?"“你的画在美术展上有卖出去吗？”"no, but i am encouraged," he replied. "somebody stole one."“没有，但我还是受到了鼓励，”他回答说，“有人偷走了一幅。”
harry and lloyd were speeding down the road. a police car pulled them over.哈里与劳埃德超速行驶，一辆警车拦住了他们。"why on earth were you driving so fast?" the policeman yelled.“你们为什么开那么快？”警官喊道。"our brakes are no good, so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!“我们的刹..
young hopeful:father, what is a traitor in politics?有希望的青年人：“父亲，什么叫政治叛徒？”father (a veteran politician):a traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one.父亲（一位老资格的政治家）：“叛徒指的是离开我们党而加入到另一个党的人。”young hopeful:well then, what i..
the brain surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.外科医生正要作脑移植手术。you have your choice of two brains, he told the patient, for $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician.你可从两个脑子中选个给你。医生告诉病人，心理学家的大..
father: this is the sunset my daughter painted. she studied painting abroad, you know.父亲：这幅《日落》是我女儿画的，你知道，她曾在国外学过画画。friend: ah, that accounts for it! i never saw a sunset like that in this country.朋友：啊，怪不得！我在本国还从来没有见过这样的日落。..
Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed and I asked him why he was with me. His answer was, "Well, the last girl I dated was really smart and she always made me feel dumb, so I decided to switch things up a bit. You make me feel like a genius babe." 今天，我在床上问我的男友为什么他看上我了，他的回答是..
unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. she put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom. later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly. then she s..
barber: were you wearing a red scarf when you came in?理发员：你进来时是不是系着红围巾？customer: no.顾客：没有呀。barber: oh, then i must have cut your throat.理发员：噢，那我肯定弄破了你的喉咙。
While on a trip, Mom realized that she had forgotten a present for Dad's birthday. "That's okay," he said, "The only thing I want is for you to love, honor and obey." Mom pondered that idea and then replied "I'd rather buy you a gift."旅途中，妈妈想起她忘记给爸爸买一件生日礼物。“没关系”，他说，“..
several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.一个年轻人在被雇用几个星期后，被叫到人事经理的办公室。what is the meaning of this? the director asked. when you applied for the job, you told us you had five years' experience. now we discover this is ..
brown: i'm sorry to see you so unwell. have you seen the doctor?布朗：看到你身体这样不好真让人难过。你去看医生了吗？jack: yes. i'm having three baths a day.杰克：看过了，我现在一天洗三次澡。brown: what for?布朗：为什么？jack: don't know, doctor's orders. he gave me some medicine and told me to follo..
stranger: catch any fish?陌生人：钓到鱼了吗？fisherman: did i! i took forty out of this stream this morning.钓鱼者：我是谁？一早晨我就在这条小溪钓到了40多条鱼呢。stranger: know who i am? i'm the game warden.陌生人：你知道我是谁吗？我是这里的渔猎执行官。fisherman: know who i am? i'm the biggest liar ..
Today, I received my soccer team jacket that I ordered a month ago. Trying to save money, I'd selected the "no name" option to avoid an extra $20 embroidering fee. My jacket now has "NO NAME" spelled out on the side of it, and I was charged the extra $20 dollars after all.今天，我收到一个月前订的球..
Neighbor: Do you think your son will forget all he learned at college?Father: I hope so. He certainly can't make a living by kissing girls!邻居：您认为您的儿子会把在大学里学的东西全忘光吗？父亲：我希望这样--他当然不能以吻女孩子谋生吧!
dentist: please stop howling. i haven't even touched your tooth yet.牙医：请你不要再喊了！我还没碰你的牙呢。patient: i know, but you are standing on my foot!病人：我知道，可是你正踩着我的脚呀！
mr. johnson: are you using you mower this afternoon?约翰逊先生：今天下午你准备用割草机吗？mr.smith: yes.史密斯先生：是的。mr.johnson: fine. then can i borrow your tennis racket, since you won't be needing it?约翰逊先生：太好了。既然您不用网球拍，那我可以借用一下吗？..
Once there was a blind. One day when he was walking, he stepped the head of the dog who was sleeping. The dog barked for a while. The blind man went on for miles, this time he stepped the other dog's tail, so this dog barked. The blind man had thought that it was the first dog, so he said in surpris..
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