英语搞笑段子
One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question．I'll permit him or her to go home earlier．” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed．He was very angry and asked，“Who did it？..
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant."You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a ..
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class? Tom: I don't know, father. Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work? T..
Mrs Brown was going out for the day. Shelocked the house and tacked a note for the milkmanon the door: "NOBODY HOME. DON’T LEAVE ANYTHING."When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added:"THANKS! W..
Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if yo..
Mr.Clark,I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told hispatient."You only have six months to live."The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes."I can't possibly pay you in that time.""Okay," the doctor said,"let's make it nine months."“克拉克先生,有个坏消息,你只有六个月可活了.”医..
On the day of our final exam at my Community College in Santa Maria, Calif., we heard that the bookstore had changed its policy and would buy back our business-management textbooks. Before class, several of us dashed over to the store and sold our books. We were seated and waiting for the test when ..
Pulling alongside our drive-up bank window, a woman was not happy with her position. So she backed up and pulled closer. Still not satisfied, she backed away and tried again. After five attempts, she finally parked the car and rolled down her window. I greeted her with a simple "Good morning"."Good ..
The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish.One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, "My dear, what will we eat today?" The wife said, "You may select the dish today." The husband was very glad and asked, "Which dishes are there today?" "Cabbage." "The others?" "None." ..
This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent's witnesses．One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations．“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel．“There is no need for you to argue the point！”“But there are som..
The two boys were camping in the backyard. When they couldn't figure out what time it was, the first boy said to the second, "Start singing very loud.""How will that help?" said the second boy."Just do it," insisted the first.Both boys broke into song, singing at the top of their lungs. Moments late..
The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?""I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.姑娘找到媒人，说：“你欺骗了我。他的一只眼..
It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What is your offense?”“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.“There’s nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”“Before the store ope..
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A doll..
On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course. The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class bo..
A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."Bartender: "That should make you happy."The man: "No, the month is up today!"一个..
One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau is known for his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don't mind if you look at your watches during class. I do,..
Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons.""Uh-huh," sai..
It was local election time and the candidate was visiting all the houses in his area.At one house a small boy answered the door. "Tell me, young man," said the politician. "Is your Mommy in the Republican Party or the Democratic Party?""Neither," said the child, "she's in the bathroom."正值当地竞选..
Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature. Recently, the question was: "Whose autograph would you most want to have, and why?" As expected, most responses mentioned music or sports stars, or politicians. The best response came from a freshman, who said, "The person who signs my diploma..
扫描二维码分享到微信或朋友圈
